Intoxicando
by Flockturnal
Summary: Harry's first night out in the wizarding world takes a turn for the very drunk.


Intoxicando.

It was opening night in the newest club in Diagon Alley. The street shone with life as the wizards and witches of London and elsewhere joined the extensive queue at the door, which was flanked by two half-giant bouncers. At the middle of the queue, a party of four (two wizards and one witch) were discussing the night to come.

"D'you reckon that we'll get in?" Asked the first boy, a young wizard with glasses and a lightning scar. "Dunno, can half-giants count?" Quipped the other wizard, this one sporting red hair and freckles. "Ron!" gasped the witch, slapping him playfully on the arm. "What? How many bouncers d'you know that passed their NEWTS, Hermione?" Inquired Ron. Hermione opened her mouth to say something, then thought of Hagrid who had been expelled from Hogwarts and closed it again. Maybe Ron had a point after all.

The queue gradually moved into the club and they finally reached the door. "ID please," came a gruff voice from somewhere high above Harry's left ear. Harry held his apparating license high above his head, and after a moment it was no longer in his hand. There was a tense moment as the license was examined for signs of forgery, and then it was back in his hand. "Inside and to the left please," came the voice again as the doors were opened from the other side.

Harry decided to wait in the door for a moment to see whether or not Ron and Hermione had been permitted to enter, and to his relief they appeared beside him almost immediately, and it was clear to Harry that both had been laughing rather hard. "Oh Harry," breathed Hermione, wiping her eyes with a tissue, "Malfoy wasn't allowed in!". "Yeah, called the bouncer a half-breed oaf," said Ron, who looked as happy as a man who had just come from a group orgy with some bisexual veela. Harry imagined an indignant Draco Malfoy being lifted off the ground by his shirt tails while indignantly shouting things like "put me down you fat oaf!" and "My father owns this place!", he burst out laughing. "Dunno about you two," he said after he had calmed down, "but I need a wiz." Ron nodded, "I'm bursting too," and the two of them set off towards the bathroom. "We'll be back in a bit!" He added hastily when he saw the look on Hermione's face.

As they opened the door, Harry and Ron heard a lot of laughing coming from inside, and they soon saw the source: two boys were standing over a third, and laughing as he tried to stand up for what didn't seem to be the first time, and then fell back onto the ground in a laughing heap. Harry recognized the three immediately: the two standing up were Fred and George Weasley, and the one on the ground was Lee Jordan! Harry wasn't sure he wanted to know what was going on. "Right, we know this looks bad, Harry, but let us explain," said Fred without turning around. Harry wasn't sure he wanted to know what the twins were up to, but he agreed to hear what they had to say.

"Okay, so George and I walked up to the bar and asked for a simple glass of firewhiskey. Only to find that it cost us a galleon a piece!" began Fred. George walked up to his brother and laid a hand on his shoulder. Ron rolled his eyes, he could see where this was going. George looked at his little brother. "Don't give me that look Ron, we're not made of money! Well, no, we are, but still, paying a galleon for a single drink was not on the cards, and we weren't doing it. That's when we remembered a spell Mundungus showed us at Grimmauld Place."

Fred winked at Harry. "Can you imagine it? A spell that, according to The Ministry's Registry of Dangerous and Reckless Spells Registry, "Renders the castee in a state of advanced inebriation for an undefined period of time." And, as you can see, Lee agreed to be our guinea pig."

Lee indicated his affirmation with a limp thumbs up.

Fred pointed his wand at Harry. "What about it? Free drinks for the night?" Harry looked at Ron, and then back at Fred. "I'll do it," he said. "Excellent choice and admirable courage from The Chosen One, what about you, little brother?" Inquired George, pointing his own wand at Ron. Ron looked at the pair of them, and then at Harry incredulously. "Have you lot gone mad?" Harry looked at Ron and grinned. "I think so." Ron looked at his best friend of six years. "Well then so have I." George winked at Ron and the twins raised their wands. "3...2...1...INTOXICANDO!"

At first, Harry felt no difference, then everything went very blurry and the room started to spin. He looked over at Ron, who wasn't holding up any better, then he looked over at the twins, who were now grinning largely.

"Well George, I think our work here is done," winked Fred, "I think you're right, Fred," replied a grinning George. "Let's go find those Bulgarian girls, they looked fit!" And with that, the two of them walked out of the bathroom laughing, leaving Harry, Ron and Lee in a very drunken state, then Harry closed his eyes, and everything went black.

Harry opened his eyes, he was in a red room, the sun shone through a crack in the curtains. "Welcome back to the land of the living," came a lively voice from his left. Harry sat up in bed. His scar was in agony. For a moment he thought Voldemort was back, but then he realised he had a hangover. "Sorry Harry, forgot to say," said George unable to keep the laughter out of his voice. "This spell simulates the morning after too." "Where's Ron?" Groaned Harry. "Apologising to Hermione for leaving her alone. Not to worry though, we kept her company for the night. We might've convinced her that you and Ron were drinking in the toilets though..." Harry winced at the thought. His only memory after the spell had been cast was being thrown out by one of the bouncers. "Oh yeah," said George, as though reading his mind, "you all got thrown out, and have been banned for doing illegal magic in the bathrooms." Harry groaned. It was going to be a long day.


End file.
